Oh how things change

So I've been thinking alot lately about something that I wanted to share here. The past year has been an extremly hard year on my family (to say the least). Without getting too personal, we have had to go through some things that no one should ever have to go through. And yet here we are, still trucking along and loving life despite the curveballs thrown. Anyway, I've been thinking about how things would have been different if I was still consumed by my eating disorder. Would I have made it through?
When I was in the midst of my eating disorder, I remember thinking that in order to get through anything in this world I needed my ED. In my mind, if ED was not there, I would fall apart at the first sign of adversity. If any troubles arose, I turned to ED. If I was facing something frieghtening or confusing, I wrapped my arms around ED and held on for dear life. And I knew that I could never recover because who knew what was around the corner waiting to pounce on me. All I really knew was I needed my ED. It was my only way through the mud and the muck of life.
So fast forward to present day. What I've been thinking about lately is there is no way I would have made it through this past year WITH my eating disorder. Completely opposite of how it used to be, I know. Yes, there were many days this past year I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the day without falling apart. And there were many days I did fall apart. But because I didn't have my ED to "help" me, I was actually able to put myself back together again at the end of the day. Well, that is with the help of my friends and family. See, what got me through was the strength I had found inside when my ED got out of the way. And the relationships I had made now that ED wasn't blocking those from forming. What got me through were the many, many days I would just sob, either by myself or with someone next to me. That strength of tears would never have been possible when ED controled my emotions. Feeling the pains of life, actually letting out and experiencing every emotion that erupted from within paved my way down this road. Before my recovery, my eating disorder would have suppressed those emotions. I would have hid in my disorder and stuffed everything inside. But now I could let myself experience whatever it was that was happening that particular day. Experience it at that very moment, instead of much later, after it had been buried and forgotten.
OK. So I am not saying I'm glad that this past year was like it was. I'm just glad I didn't have my ED to "take care of me". Cause now I have me to do that, and the most wonderful friends in the world. And a husband I could only picture in my dreams. And they are my support system, my compass through whatever curveballs life throws my way. Now my emotional breakdowns fill me back up. Its like a release and a renewal all at once. Five years ago that would not have been possible. But without ED, anything is possible.
So something to think about. How would/ is your life (be) different without ED? How could you surprise yourself with the strength inside you?